Knowing the Road Ahead

I left you last time with my thoughts on a collar. Today I am going to shoot for a long post as I will be headed out of town to spend time with Kai for the next five days. I may put another post up tonight to cover tomorrow but I don’t know. I consistently find that there is so much that I want to talk about and yet I don’t have a way to get into it nor do I know how to approach it.

I have decided that I am going to hit on something that a lot of people don’t think about when they think of D/s couples. There is a style to each dominant and submissive. Many on either side of the D/s relationship often things that a Top is a Top and a bottom is a bottom. I know once you have seen me say that it makes sense that each person has their own style. But I have seen a few cases where a dominant starts “training” a submissive in the hopes that they will become exactly what he wants. In the end this is bad for both parties, if the person that you are taking as a submissive doesn’t have the characteristics you want already the idea that you can train them to have it isn’t really sound. It is very difficult to change another person. In fact, I give my friends vanilla relationship advice that says just that. If you go into a relationship thinking that you will change someone or that they will change for you, then you have set yourself up for a disaster of a relationship.

Ok so I just want to say make sure you know your dominant/submissive before you shoot for a relationship. Take Kai and I for example, through talking and through a couple of scenes I have learned a lot about her as a submissive. I know I still have a lot to learn about her but at the very least I know enough to start something with her. I know that her desires as a submissive work well with my style as a dominant. I also know that my style as a dominant has so far worked well with her style of being a submissive. This isn’t the way it happens all the time. I have been in a couple of situations where the submissive I thought was something I wanted as actually in conflict with my style. I am not the type of dominant that likes to baby sit his submissive. If I set ground rules or something, in a scene or otherwise, I expect them followed. I don’t want to have to check on my submissive every few hours to make sure they are doing as they are told. Some submissives really like this type of play; they like to be punished and will disobey in order to get that. I don’t mind this type of play as long as the scene is supposed to be that or the relationship includes a little bit of it. It isn’t my favorite type of scene. I don’t like having to do it all the time. So if a submissive really wants that kind of attention then they probably aren’t for me. I really don’t like someone who tops from the bottom, again something that some submissives really love to do. I do like submissives that truly like to please their dominant. I find that they are very compatible with me, because I am a person that will push myself until I get what I want.

So in short this post is a know your partner post. I could tell you so much about Kai but since they are personal things and you will likely never be involved in a scene with her it isn’t something I feel like sharing at the moment. I think I will leave this post here while I finish getting myself in a situation where I can leave for the weekend and I will see you all on Tuesday.