A bit of philosophy and desires

This post will be my thoughts on the lifestyle and how what I want has lead me to the person I am with now. This will likely be a huge post and will ramble back and forth between the things I have seen and have done. It will be a very interesting post I assure you, and I hope that you enjoy it.

I left you with the end of my relationship history. Where I am now in a sense, but I didn’t tell you much about how I view myself as a dominant or what I want in a submissive. I am not totally sure the best way to tell you about me as a dominant. I guess I can start by telling you what I am not, I am not perfect, nor do I think I am infallible, I am not abusive nor do I beat my partners in a way that would make me a danger to them, I am not a freak or something to fear. I guess in the end aside from my life choice as a kink I am pretty normal. I have a normal life, I have a family, I have friends, I have had a job, and now I attend school. I was going to try and spare you a few posts before I got into what I think about BDSM and how I approach it, but apparently that is not going to happen. I guess I will start with what I want in a relationship; that seems the easiest way to get from point A to point B.

I have always wanted something more in a relationship. Call it a desire to feel closer to my partner than anything else. From my first relationship to the last one that ended I was looking for someone that on some level would elevate me above the mundane. I in turn, would do that same. They would become more important to me than anything else, to a limit going both ways of course. I am not the type of person that would expect my significant other to die for me or abandon their lives for me. Personally, I think that would be foolish. How could you give up everything you were as a person for someone else? Don’t you think that would be counter productive? I mean, if I love you for who you are, then why would you destroy what I love in order to make me happy. Sorry, that was a tangent, back to the thought process. This was one of the first things that attracted me to D/s. The idea that there is a person out there that would want to give over a portion of their control to me was exhilarating to say the least. You could say it was because I am a control freak or something like that, and I am sure there are plenty of people that would do so. But, the key is I don’t want to control everything about my partner. I don’t care who they go out with or the friends they keep or the things they do. I would never force the issue of control and lord it over them like some. Control with me must be given, and if my partner ever wants that control back then they need only ask for it.

So perhaps that is the crux of it, I like control. But, the story really can’t stop there because it misses a lot of key elements to my personality. I also like to learn, I crave knowledge of everything from the mundane to the exotic. I like to know people, it is fun for me to guess what someone will do before they do it and find the right buttons to push to make someone do what I want. Knowing what to withhold and when, to make their pleasure and my own the most it can be. I won’t lie and claim that I have always used this ability for that. There was a time when I used my ability to read people to get what I wanted and nothing else. It is something I am not proud of, it was childish and stupid. I was no better than many others I have encountered who do it now. I would like to think I have come beyond that, but it would be meaningless for me to claim it, so I will let others speak for me on that. I also on some level like to please, I know it sounds like a very submissive thing to say but hear me out. I like to please my way, I will not do what another person says because in my experience most people don’t know what they want in the first place. I will please my partner my way, but I know that my way works for them. Or at least is has worked for all of the ones I have come across.

What else can I include on the topic of me? I have never been good at talking about myself so perhaps I will just sum up what I think about being in a BDSM relationship. It is, in the end, about being closer to your partner. It is about being greater than the sum of your parts. In the couple of kink relationships I have had I have seen that what I want exists out there. I want to be everything to my partner, not in the way that they would give up themselves for me because that isn’t being everything to them, that is allowing them to be obsessed with me. When I claim I want to be their everything this is what I mean. I want to be someone they can be proud of; I want to be there to push them when they need me, to share their successes and their failures. I want to better them, be that firm hand when they stray and the loving embrace they can take shelter in. I want to give them a reason to push themselves further than they thought possible. This in turn makes me a better person, because I need to be that for them, I need to constantly better myself, learn, grow, change, push myself harder. In the end we both become better people and closer through their submission. Now, some of you may think this a crazy ideal or wonder how one could accomplish such a thing, if you ask me I will at the very least tell you how I am doing.

So now you have a mash of idea as to what I think a BDSM relationship is and what it is not. Now we can move onto what I look for in a submissive. I have met many submissives in my time in kink circles. Let me tell you they come in all different flavors, some of them will submit to the first man that walks through the door and demands it of them. They will kneel at his feet at his beckon call and do everything he says. My personal thought on these women is they have a low self esteem and it makes them feel better to be desired, that isn’t to say their submission is less genuine or faulty because of this, it merely says they aren’t my type. That kind of submission doesn’t interest me because if I leave them in a room alone with other dominants, in my experience, they fail to be loyal. Something shiny comes along that is new and different and they are off after it in moments. There are others who are more careful about their submission, but still don’t seem to have that fire about them. Many of these are my close friends, and you couldn’t ask for a more loyal friend, and in the past I have had many fun scenes with people in this category. They will only submit to one person but their submission doesn’t feel earned, it is like it is freely given to the one they choose. This is again not to say that it is wrong or that something is bad about this type of submissive, just that they aren’t for me. Then you have my type, these submissives make you earn your place as a dominant. They have to be confident that you know what you are doing and that you are worthy of their submission and trust. These are the ones I have made the strongest relationships with and I wouldn’t sacrifice a moment of our time together for anything. Many of my greatest kink friends are these types of people. My current partner Kai falls into this category, I like this type because their submission is earned and feels more valuable. They don’t freely give it to anyone that asks, you have to fight for it. They may take longer to give in but in the end it is so much sweeter when you see them fully give themselves to you.

So there you have it. A view of what I think and what I want. If you have anything you would like me to speak on more simply comment on this post and I will try and add more depth in future postings.