Who is responsible for a scene?

First, I suppose I will open this post with an apology. I have been extremely busy as of late and haven’t been able to post much to my blog. Furthermore, I really haven’t had the time to process those things that I have done that are worthy of a post. So for my neglect in posting I am sorry, I will try and keep up on it more in the future, but when it comes down to it some things are more important than others. And while I love having you all here, those that follow actively and those that just visit, I need to focus on some things outside of my blog sometimes.

 

Now that said, a lot has happened in the month that I have been absent. I don’t even really know where to start. If you have been following Kai then you know some of what has happened or at least her side. Instead of saying what has happened to me in the past couple of weeks I think I will do something different. I think I will talk about sharing the burden of a scene.

 

As a Dominant I realize that I am expected to control a scene. It is my job to construct a particular scene, make sure it flows and is an enjoyable experience for both myself and my submissive. However, not all ideas for a scene should come from me. I am not an endless sinkhole of ideas and kinky things to do. I don’t know many dominants that are capable of always doing something with nothing. I know I personally prefer to hear ideas from my submissives. This doesn’t mean that your ideas will come into play the next time we scene or even at all. I just want places to start from, if you tell me you really enjoy being flogged in X place and aren’t opposed to others then I can design a scene in my head in which I bring those elements in. Merely saying that you know how to use a safeword doesn’t help me as a Dominant. In the end all it does is say that if something goes too far for you that you know how to stop it. That is near worthless when it comes to deciding on a scene to participate in or start.

 

I think in short what I am trying to say is that as a dominant it is my job to build a scene. To take control of it and make it my own, to push boundaries and make certain that both parties enjoy what is happening. As a submissive, you have the responsibility to feeding me things that I can do with you. This is especially important during the beginning of a relationship. Don’t tell me “I like flogging” because it tells me nothing about the scenes that I could create.  A better approach would be I have always wanted to be bound on my knees and flogged until my skin was a pretty red. This then gives me some boundaries that I can build from, it tells me you like intense flogging coupled with bondage. Will you be bound on your knees when you are flogged? Probably not. Might you be bound to a bed or a table or something else and flogged? Definitely. Could I push you a different direction and go for a more mental bondage? Yes. But, these things give me starting points. Could you say “I like bondage and flogging” sure, but it still isn’t as informative as providing them in a situational way. Just listing things off doesn’t give any context, and context is important. I have met many submissives that really don’t like much in the way of pain but they find flogging and things of that nature enjoyable not because of the pain but because of other mental aspects. Would you want to flog one of these submissives until her skin was cherry red? No because she would hate you for it and likely need to use a safeword during that scene. But her saying she likes flogging, and a pain related submissive saying she likes flogging sound the same if just listed out as I like flogging.